Our Secret(s)
June 15, 2023. Thursday.
It’s a quiet morning. I’m recovering from a chronic sesamoid fracture on my right foot, and my grandfather just passed early this morning. A few days ago, I was alone and vulnerable. Today, I’m alone and vulnerable. My eyes have their own heartbeat. June has not been good to me, and I don’t understand why. Perhaps it’s best not to understand why things happen, I should just leave it be. But I’m hurting everywhere. It hurts everywhere. I’m so sad. I don’t know what’s worse; feeling everything or feeling nothing at all. I’m right at the cusp anyway. The pain from my foot coupled with the pain of losing someone I love, it feels otherworldy. He was the only grandfather I have. The good people with the kind heart always have to leave first. He loved Spanish boleros, he loved the song Besame Mucho by Los Panchos. I sang it to him in the early stages of his declining health. He smiled and blew me a kiss. It’s 11:11. Can I wish for everything to be okay again? Can I not feel hopeless anymore?
June 17, 2023. Saturday.
Yet another day of pondering. Another day of simple thoughts.
